Well, I must admit, I’m a perfectionist… Is this a defect or a quality? It depends on who’s asking…they say there are no uncomfortable questions, but only uncomfortable answers. So, I’ll give the first answer.

When I was a child I used to be very selective when it came to making friends, to places I liked to spend time in and to activities I choose to take part in. This helped me in life, so in this situation perfectionism proved to be beneficial.

At some point, there comes a period in any woman’s life when the presence of a child is needed. This is a reason of joy, of course. Of happiness, even if you are not a perfectionist. In other words, it depends how quickly you deal with the fact that your physical image doesn’t correspond to standards anymore. At this point, perfectionism becomes harmful. In my case, it caused a serious depression. I was angry at myself, not at others, and I though the whole thing is my fault, because I had to be a perfectionist.

It took me a while to understand that being perfectionist doesn’t be you have to be perfect. It only means you will do your best to get things as close to perfection as humanly possible. And I looked at the surplus weight I’ve gained during my motherhood so far, and then decided to return to my perfectionism times and do everything humanly possible to get rid of those pounds.

I took baby steps in my diet, right about the time my daughter started taking her first baby steps…a quite happy coincidence. So, I didn’t try anything radical. Being a perfectionist, I’ve done my homework right before throwing myself into anything. SO, I found out that restrictive diets harm the metabolism, that avoiding proteins only loosens muscles and starving the body will cause it to retain extra fats when the diet is over. I’ve also learnt about the importance of exercises, but I was already jogging and walking a lot each day, so I was aware of that.

Instead of eating sweets I decided to eat fruits. That didn’t work that well, so I changed tactics. I allowed myself any sweet desert, but I though of how much of that I would regularly eat, then took only a third of it. I did the same with fat meat, and then replaced the remaining lacks in alimentation with raw fruits, vegetables, seeds and fish meat or cereal bowls. I wasn’t missing anything important, and I was allowing myself to consume stuff I loved and yearned for, but in smaller quantities. So once again, perfectionism helped me in my search for ways of regaining my initial weight. I am pleased to say that I’ve found them…but one of them is respecting the 8 hour sleeping program, so I’ll see you with another occasion!

I have to admit that there have been quite a few things that changed around the area since I’ve last weighted myself. And even if most of them seemed like good things at the time, they have all put their amprents on my body. I am now…not just fat, but very fat , with a belly that makes me feel quite ashamed of myself. I tried to keep various types of healthy diets and even stayed hungry for days, just to manage to lose a couple of those pounds that are expecially visible now that the summer is almost here and the war weather is making me sweat and get tired very easily, all because of the extra pounds.

Unfortunatelly, nothing really worked and I am still feeling heavy and unhealthy. I have read the thoughts of many people that say they are happy being fat, that they can live with it and are not affected in any way by it. But I find that very hard to belive, as there are many things the extra pounds interfere with. And I’m not only talking about being ashamed of my figure or not fitting into last year’s wardrope, I’m talking about obvious health problems and the fact that fat people usually don’t feel healthy, just like me. There are times when I am overweight but I must be somewhere within some limits, because I don’t feel the burden of all the unwanted pounds, but other times is just need to start another healthy diet because I am feeling ill again.

But, this time I think that other activities were the ones that made me gain all this weight. Things that I never given the proper importance at the time and that have almost nothing to do with eating. At least not directly, because they’ve managed somehow to interfere with the pound gaining process. After spending a few days reflecting on this, I have managed to list the most important stuff I belive to affect my weight:

• I have work in a way that doesn’t require me to move much
• I don’t have to leave my office at all
• I am usually stressed because I;m always in debts
• I had to work hard on choosing a good buisness prototype that works
• I faild again to create a lot of profit because I focused on helping others
• I usaully give money to family, and this means more money problems
• I do not talk to others about my problems
• I always eat more than one portion, which means I have huge meals
• I do a lot of extra office tasks, and it’s killing my time
• I usually feel the need to eat something sweet and istead of eating fuits I eat chocolate and such
• I’m in my 30’s so if I eat like in the 20’s I’m sure gonna get fatter, as the methbolism is slower now
• I am not an angry person, so I don’t feel the need of working out intenslely just to let out all the hate
• I’m pesimist and tend to have lots of self distructing habits, like eating a lot and often

So, I’m tring to blame my 210 pounds on all these factors. I am planning a trip to the seaside in the late summer, July or August, and I decided to set a realistic weight loss goal, that I intend to achive only by healthy eating and daily excercises. So, till August, 40 pounds. That’s more than easily achivable with any diet, but I’ve decide to try a non-invasive one, that won’t mess up my methbolism more that it’s aleady messed up: I’ll be eating non-processed food in any quantities, and only eat something cooked, like a soup or something at lunch. I’ve heard only best recommendation about this alimentary program, so I’ll be giving it a try.